Sunday, Oct. 15, 2006 - 8:27 a.m.

Hard to believe from the evidence here, I know, but most of the time I don�t say much about it. Not denial per se, but it�s the hand I got dealt and I�ll play it close to my chest as I choose.

If I don�t know the words for how I feel, I know where I feel it; in the base of my diaphragm, just under my sternum. Sometimes an abyss, sometimes a knot, sometimes taking my breath away.

Lunch and serious conversation and I keep my mouth shut for most of it, you three know the story � I have nothing to add. Then honest words come out, a sentence or two, but the voice cracked and the hands shook and I can�t believe that I still don�t have control of that after all this time.

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